Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Halfway Point

Here I am, halfway through the 31 Day challenge. I wanted to take the time to reflect on what I have accomplished so far, reevaluate if needed, and make a plan for the days ahead.
Truth? I haven’t achieved as much as I had hoped.
Sure, I'm getting a few things done. I’m better at making phone calls right away, and I did paint that old owl finally. And I'm thrilled with my new and improved workspace. Which is something. But still not where I thought I would be at the halfway point.
I find myself still in the gathering and preparing stage most of the time. I’m stockpiling frames for a gallery wall I’d like to do, but I haven’t actually hung a thing yet.
I’m spending more time than I’d like thinking about, writing about, and listing the projects I want to accomplish, instead of just doing them.
I bought supplies for a new project last night, but still have so many things already purchased that need to be worked on.
So why all the apprehension? I still think part of it is fear. Just because I say “I’m going to conquer my fear of failure” doesn’t mean that I automatically start fearing it less. Sure, I can easily start a little project because the internet is waiting for me to write about it, and I will have accomplished something. Win for me. But I have to do the actual work in my heart to face my fear. And friends? That’s a whole lot harder to do. I’m going to keep working at it though. And keep plugging away at my projects.
One thing I'm starting to realize is that when I'm in a "funk," I buy lots of things to foster creativity (spending money on crafty things is my "feel better" fix, as is eating Trader Joe's pumpkin ice cream and hunkering down in the house and avoiding all unnecessary interactions with people). It's as if I think that bringing home a new project to do will pull me out of depression. Honestly, though, it rarely does. Instead I just get overwhelmed by all that I have to do and end up shutting down. It's an ugly little cycle and it usually gets worse this time of year when the days are getting so very short and I start spending full days without seeing the sun.
I've been struggling with this for years, but the difference now is that I'm finally able to start recognizing the signs before I'm so far into a funk that I can't pull myself out of it. 
Today is a rainy, gloomy day. Instead of calling in sick and spending the day on the couch (which is what I had every intention of doing this morning), I made it into work, switched on my Happy Light, and am going to try to be productive. And I'm planning a crafty night tonight to work on a few projects.  
I might not get everything on my "master To Do list" done this month. But I'm ok with that. I'm making progress, and that's all that matters.

No comments:

Post a Comment